Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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