I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
