Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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