I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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