Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
