that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
