i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize