NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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