I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
