guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
