i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
