I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
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