she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
