He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
