forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
