i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
