She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
