How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Randomize
