I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
