I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize