my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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