I wish you could order shots online.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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