it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
