Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
