Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize