i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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