I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
