lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
