I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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