Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
