He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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