Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
