It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize