i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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