I just threw up on my dentist
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
