Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize