I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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