Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
