3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
