So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
