I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think people are normalizing furries
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
