Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
