They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
