Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Randomize
