Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize