I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
