My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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