he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
