He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
