Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
