so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
