as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Alive.
So much puke
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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