Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I cut my penus on the lid.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
not ubering you a puppy
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