i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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