Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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