There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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