carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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