On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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