i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
