You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
