are you still at the devil's house?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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