Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
