So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
sex in a hospital.. check
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
