he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
