woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize