I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
