So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
