i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
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