yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
