I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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