i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
