There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Someone shattered a urinal.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
