my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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