I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
