: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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