Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
