Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
