when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
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