My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
