guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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