So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just found a bag of teeth...
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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