I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Randomize
