I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
bring money and cleavage
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
