and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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