2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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