So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize