did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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