Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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