Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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