how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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