did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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