Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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