you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize