or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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