I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
