Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
