remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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