the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
