You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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