This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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